i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
