my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
