Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
