I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
