I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
