oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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