I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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