I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize