my mouth tastes like poor choices
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The feeling are messing with the penis
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
