So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
