He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize