cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
