I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it was like eating out sand paper
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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