Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
