Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
