So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
