wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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