Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
