In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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