biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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