The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
