Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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