My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
