I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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