Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
