You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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