Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
