apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
