it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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