someone get that fucking seahorse.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
