I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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