Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
