Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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