She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
