One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
