Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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