are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
