You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
