one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
