Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
