this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
