Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
