come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
