This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
