I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Let's get the cat blown out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
