We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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