As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
