I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
