He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize