we have officially lost it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Who died my cat blue again?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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