Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
