She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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