Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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