he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
