Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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