she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
