Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize