Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
