That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
