the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
