Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
