I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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