Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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