Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
