I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
