someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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