Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
