I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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