this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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