there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
