Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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