watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
