Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
