On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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