Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Found the puke drawer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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