You work out of a Hotel?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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