Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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