I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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