If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
