Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A+ Viking dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
