Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
