I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
