so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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